-I went to a Performing Arts high school in NYC and it was the complete opposite of the stereotypical suburban high school. We had sports team that no one gave a shit about at all. In fact at my school the jocks would come in with guns and shoot at people. They'd be like "You never talked to me in tapdance class! You're dead! You always made fun of my football uniform!! I'm sick of being ridiculed for not being the lead in 'Guys and Dolls'!"

-I saw an interview with some girl and she was talking about a popular guy and she said, 'I mean any chick would give both their breasts to date him.' Why would that even be a situation you would be in? Like the guy is gonna be like, 'Al right I'll go out with you but only if you cut off your breasts. I only date mutilated women without tits.'

-I love that saying "He wants to have his cake and eat it too." It's used to describe someone who is over demanding but I feel like that saying doesn't do a good job of conveying that. If someone is given cake and then wants to eat it I don't think of them as being irrational. Has anyone ever been okay just with having cake? "You mean you want cake and you want to eat it also?! You are a maniac. That's not how the world works dude." "This guy just wants to have it all, he wants to buy a house and then move into it. He wants to buy food in a restaurant and then put it in his mouth. He wants to install a toilet and then urinate into it."

-I was watching this thing on TV and they showed this guy waterskiing with no waterskis. Why do people do that? Am I supposed to think that you're a total bad ass now because you don't have the equipment used in the sport you're doing? They have skis that you can use. Why can't you just use the skis and be good with the skis on? When you waterski without the necessary equipment it doesn't make you look cool it makes you look poor. I wish that people who waterski without waterskis would also skydive without parachutes.

I also saw a guy skydiving while wearing a snowboard. I don't get this. You're skydiving why are you wearing ski equipment? Am I supposed to think you're good at skiing now too. That's like if I went skydiving while wearing doctors scrubs. "Man look at that guy skydiving! Apparently he's also a good radiologist! I can tell because he's falling really quickly wearing things that have nothing to do with what he's doing right now!"