-I called a friend of mine the other day and a recording came on that said; "This person's phone does not receive phone calls at the request of the owner." It doesn't receive phone calls? What does it do then? If you don't want to receive phone calls then don't buy a phone. "I finally got a cell phone. Now, how do I make it so that it's not a phone anymore. I want my phone to just lay there not being a phone." "I just bought a new printer and I made it so that it can't print things. It's great, it cost me 500 bucks it just sits there not doing the thing it was specifically made for. I also just bought a fan and then repeatedly hit it with a hammer. Now it's just a pile of plastic and metal."

-Taco Bell has this new taco called the 'Volcano Taco', apparently it's super hot. In the commercial they show a guy eat it and then flames shoot out of his mouth like he's on fire. That looks awful. I don't get it when people want their food to be painful. In the commercial they're not even trying to sell that it tastes good, just that it'll burn your mouth. What's next there, are they gonna have a taco where you go in and they just throw a vat of acid at your face with fajitas mixed in. "AHHHHH!!!! THIS IS AMAZING! MY FACE IS MELTING!! THIS IS REALLY HOT!! I CAN TASTE THE CHICKEN MIXED WITH MY BURNING FLESH!!! I'm gonna get another one after I get back from the emergency room." You couldn't sell other things just on the idea that the thing will hurt you. "Buy the new PC 2000. Every time you touch the keyboard you get eletrocuted!" "That looks amazing! I'm gonna get that! It looks like it's gonna hurt a lot! This thing's amazing, I can't feel my legs."