-Have you ever mistakenly commented on a woman being pregnant when she wasn't? I took that to the next level, I mistakenly commented on a man being pregnant. "So when is your baby due?" "Umm...I'm a man." "Oh, sorry. I thought you were a woman and that you were pregnant. But I guess you're just a fat dude that looks like a chick. My bad." There's no recovering from that. That relationship is over. No shot at friendship.

-I was watching the 'Two Coreys' on A&E and Corey Feldman put together an intervention for Corey Haim to help him get his life back together. Todd Bridges was at the intervention. Man, you know your life is a mess when Todd Bridges is telling you you're a loser. That's like if someone put together an intervention for you and there was a puddle of dog shit there. "Tom, I invited some people over whose lives are more together than yours is to help you. Here's some dog shit and a guy who cut off his own dick."

-I heard someone yelling at someone else the other day and the guy said; "I hope your dick falls off on Christmas!" Man that is a very specific thing to wish for. Not only are you pulling for something awful to happen to this person but you even have the exact day picked out that you want it to fall on. It's not enough that the dude's dick simply fall off, it needs to coincide with Jesus' birthday. I guess that would make it worse. I mean having your dick fall off would be horrible but then to realize that it's Christmas would be twice as horrible.
"My dick just fell off."
"Merry Christmas honey!"
"Oh great. Now this is even worse. I have no dick and it's the happiest day of the year. This is really gonna ruin Christmas for me."
"Honey just try not to let it get to you. Open some of your presents."
"Are any of my presents super dick glue?"
"No."
"Well then presents aren't going to make me feel better right now. I'm sorry I'm just a little depressed right now since my dick fell off on Christmas. I've never even heard of that happening before."
If it didn't happen on Christmas would it not be as bad?
"My dick fell off. Well at least it's not Christmas, that would really have been a bummer. Thank God it's just Christmas Eve."