-John Hinckley tried to kill the President to impress Jodie Foster. Apparently Jodie Foster is embarassed by this but if I were her I would tell everyone this. I would be totally proud. You know you must be pretty talented if people you don't know are trying to kill other people for you. It would be pretty impressive to people. "Hey Tom, how's your career going?" "Not bad." "Really? Any big projects coming up?" "Not really, but someone recently shot the President in the face because of how awesome I am." "Really?" "Yeah, I'm really talented."

-Recently I saw a dude picking his nose and then someone else said to him, "Pick a winner!" I've heard this before and I've never really understood it. Is that even a possibility? Has anyone ever won anything in that situation? Has anyone ever picked their nose and looked at what they picked and been like "Oh man, I won a car!" "Really? Man I gotta start picking my nose more." Then he picks his nose and looks at it, "Sorry, please try again. Damn! I have the worst boogers ever."